We Are Not Broken

We are not broken projects that need to be fixed. We are people who developed ways of surviving in a world where our true selves do not feel safe. We learned to hide our authentic selves under the mask of existential strategies, like addiction, because they worked. Some of these strategies became harmful but we keep engaging with them because they seem to be the only thing that makes sense.

Healing begins as we cultivate the conditions in which our authentic selves can emerge, be compassionately witnessed, become integrated, and flourish. The more success we have the more we re-create neural pathways that rewires addiction. 

As we flourish, our lives become an invitation for others, cultivating the conditions in which other people can flourish. We do not create the authentic self; we create the conditions in which the authentic self can be revealed. And that is the path to liberation.

I do not believe in the once an addict always an addict mindset. The word addiction comes from a Latin root referring to a Roman law where the court could sentence a person to a debtor as a servant or slave, essentially addicting someone to the debtor. Addiction is enslavement to a substance, behavior, idea, belief or anything that is essentially in control of your life. My message is liberation, which means to be set free. You cannot be free and enslaved at the same time.

Sobriety is the first step to liberation because it means you are not drunk or high, but you are still bound to addiction. To be liberated from it, we must free ourselves from the debt- which are the underlying causes that make us need to escape. To create a life we do not want to escape, we turn our attention to the pain, the suffering, and the need for relief that made addiction make sense. Every step toward healing our inner parts, breaks the chains of addiction and frees us to create the life we want.

I recommend engaging in therapy and a healing community as part of your liberation journey. Addiction taught us how to survive in isolation; liberation from addiction is achieved through community. As humans, we are born into connection and need it to thrive. 

We may feel or be alone, but we are not meant to walk this path alone. We learn the skill of intentional connection through community engagement. We are powerful over our addiction, but we are not all powerful. We need other people. 

Healing is created through relationships- not programs, philosophies, mantras, or therapeutic modalities. We heal and grow when connected to other humans. To create a liberated life, we must build interdependence in sober and healing communities alongside individual therapy to courageously shine a bright light into the shadows of our inner pain.

We achieve liberation when we face the unfaceable and walk through hell, but we do not do it alone. Liberation is on the other side.

You have all the power to take back control of your life from addiction. In 1939, the big book of AA was the most important book in addiction recovery- the alternative was much worse. AA has helped millions of people achieve sobriety, but the relapse rate is still very high. Our understanding of addiction has changed dramatically since then, but our standard operating procedure for recovery still relies heavily on this one program. If AA works for you, then keep going.

If you want to go beyond sobriety and achieve liberation from addiction, then you must believe you have the power to do it. Saying you are powerless deflects responsibility, giving the power and responsibility to something else. It is risky and terrifying, but if you can learn to believe in your power, and the power of community, and you are willing to put in the same effort for your liberation that you do for your addiction, then you can build a whole new life.

My recommendation is to join a sober community like AA, SMART Recover, or Dharma Recovery, and get into individual therapy. It is a start. It is your choice.