Power in Community, Step 2

Addiction tells us that we are alone, isolated, and will always be alone, because no one wants our mess. It tells us our only hope is to remain shackled, attached, and enslaved to its escape, keeping us isolated and lost.

We think no one understands us, and that if we ask for help, we are weak, broken, and a problem that needs to be solved. Or worse, we come to believe if we tell the truth about what we are going through, we will truly be alone, exiled, abandoned, and rejected.

We believe we would only be a burden, a disaster in other people’s lives.

So, we keep our pain inside, mask it, and drown it in our addiction. We think that if we were stronger or more disciplined, we would figure this out ourselves. Then we build our lives around that belief.

We isolate, hide, and act as an acceptable character in someone else’s play. Our performance is masterful, award winning. However, we feel detached, alone, and broken, keeping everything a secret.

We hide in our shame, embarrassment, and hope we can solve our problem without ever needing to seek any outside help; and yet, extreme loneliness and disconnection causes so much more suffering. Eventually, the isolation becomes part of the addiction process.

Liberation tells the truth. It says that we are powerful, but not all powerful, and we do not have to walk alone.

That is the second step.

We acknowledge the power of a healing community and a therapeutic relationship on the path toward liberation from addiction and commit to seeking a community and a professional counselor that best supports our journey.

Notice that it does not say that someone else will save us. Nor does it say that we surrender our power to a group, a counselor, or another person. It says we acknowledge the power of community. Human beings are relational. We do not develop our understanding of ourselves in isolation.

We discover who we are through relationships, shared experiences, conversations, being seen and known by other people, and through belonging.

A child learning to walk does not learn to walk because someone walks for them. They learn because someone is nearby creating a safe space to fall, get back up, fall again, and eventually succeed. Someone encourages them, reaches out a hand to support them just enough to let them use their power to recover, and celebrates when they stand back up.

The child still has to take the steps, but they do not have to take them alone.

Healing and liberation work much the same way. We are responsible for walking our path, but we do not have to walk it without help, support, and companionship. That is why the healing community is so important.

There are many different ways to define a healing community. It might be a sober recovery or peer support group, professional group counseling, a spiritual community, or a group of friends who genuinely encourage us to flourish.

It is possible that we have not found the community we need, yet.

The important question is not just, "Where can I find people who understand addiction?" it is, "Where can I find people who support the person I am becoming?" and “Where can I find a community that I can engage in and with whom I can participate in building an affirming culture for others?”

On the path to liberation, we do not just need people who understand where we have been; we need relationships that can help support where we are going.

And that's why Step 2 specifically includes a professional therapeutic relationship.

Therapy is about creating a safe space for us to explore our story. It is not about someone telling us how to live our life. A good therapist helps us explore our life and create our own story.

They ask questions we may not have thought to ask. They help us recognize patterns and themes in our life we could not see from inside our own experience, and they create a relationship where honesty is safe and real.

Often, that relationship is the first place where we can finally say, "This is what I'm really feeling," "This is what I'm afraid of," "This is what I've been hiding," and "This is who I think I am."

And someone listens, sees us. Not to judge or to fix, but to help us explore and understand ourselves.

Addiction thrives in disconnection; liberation flourishes in connection.

Connection does not mean surrounding ourselves with people who simply tell us what we want to hear or enable our destructive choices. A healing community challenges us, encourages us, and holds us accountable.

It reminds us who we are and where we are going when we forget or lose our focus. A community gives us a place where we can practice becoming the person that is emerging and who we are creating.

If you are walking this path to liberation right now, I want you to consider something. The next step is not to try harder, it is seeking and finding a community and a professional counselor.

Asking for support is not an admission of powerlessness. It is how you use your power. You still have to walk the path, but you do not have to walk it alone.

We discover how powerful we are when we are finally willing to let someone walk beside us. Healing grows in connection. Healing flourishes in relationships. Your liberation should not be a solitary journey.